Those of us that have been abused often have low self-esteem and beliefs that we are not good enough. We question our ability to succeed in life. Challenges can frighten us. We feel undeserving and small because of the abuse and then we create a small world around us, that is “safe” and lacking in healthy challenges and growth. It can become an existence that does not show off the beautiful potential within each of us.
As we begin our healing journey, we do need to create a safe place that allows for introspection and rest so that we can begin to recuperate from the abuse. Engaging in therapy and other healing modalities can be a great help. Surrounding ourselves with loving, supportive people is a must.
Eventually, it is important for us to stretch the boundaries of our world so that our confidence increases and a new level of personal growth can begin. Waiting to become a confident version of ourselves rarely works. It can be healing to take action by taking on a new challenge, or learning something new. Our world then becomes bigger, and our horizons expand. We learn about ourselves and discover that the voices inside of us that say we are not capable or good enough are actually the voices of our abusers, not our voice and not the truth. As we begin to accomplish new goals, we find out that we are good enough, smart enough, talented enough, and that we deserve to have the life we want, free of these oppressive messages.
Becoming bigger than our fears and taking the first step empowers us. It does not matter if the goal is getting a pilot’s license, learning a language, or something as seemingly small as inviting a new friend to lunch. Everyone is different, and a goal that seems enormous to one person may seem small to another. Each person needs to tune into their inner self to discover how they can expand their world in a way that works for them.
Those that did not endure abuse often do not understand how our trauma impacts us. Besides lacking confidence, many survivors do not trust themselves or others, and can freeze or act in ways that do not feel true to themselves when under stress. We need to be gentle and loving to ourselves when we are in the process of the growth that comes from stretching ourselves.
Not comparing ourselves to others is vital. Those that have not been abused face challenges and the inevitable mistakes that come with trying new things differently than survivors do. Survivors often internalize errors, believing that there is something wrong with them for making mistakes. They might consider themselves a complete failure if they make an error or have inordinate fears of being punished. People that have not been abused often approach new situations with confidence. They might progress more quickly, unrestricted by the anxieties and fears that survivors feel which interfere with their learning processes.
We need to remember that we have to overcome so much more than others—that just beginning a new growth-filled journey can be a challenge. But by moving forward we can begin to let go of the limitations that we have placed on ourselves, and the limitations that others have placed on us. Our self-assurance grows as we discover new abilities and rewrite our definition of ourselves. We begin to seek out new experiences with burgeoning confidence that continue to expand our world. And we become an inspiration to other survivors, who accept the challenge to further their own personal path to healing.
